Sadly, many Survivors of Sexual Abuse carry huge amounts of shame because they have been abused. Often, this is because Survivors can internally carry the shame that does not belong to them but to the abuser.
Carrying The Shame For Someone Else
Survivors can sometimes carry feelings of shame and guilt that were never theirs to begin with. When someone has experienced abuse, it can be difficult to separate what belongs to them from what belongs to the person who caused the harm.
Penny Parks describes this in Rescuing the Inner Child:
“The aggressor projects the blame and guilt onto the child and the child accepts that projection as truth. It is like life imprisonment for a crime that someone else has committed.”
The impact of carrying this shame can be profound. It can affect how we see ourselves, our relationships with others and our ability to talk about what we have experienced.
But the shame of sexual abuse does not belong to the person who experienced it.
Talking About Shame Can Really Help Shift It
Talking is the action that many of us find very difficult and yet with shame it is the action that most helps us shift it. Some of the women who have attended our Into The Light Women Survivors Group Psycho-Educational Course have found that talking with other Survivors who understand and relate is one of most powerful ways to lift the shame and isolation they have experienced around being abused:
“I truly think this group has changed my life – of course there is a lot still for me to work through and unpack, but I feel confident that attending this group has opened a new door for me in terms of healing, and for the first time ever I feel like a form of healing is possible for me in the future. Being around other people with similar lived experiences has broken a huge feeling of isolation that had haunted me for years. It breaks my heart knowing that others are going through the same, but I have felt so much kindness, support and safety in this space and that has already had a huge ripple effect in my life already. I have started to open up to people in my life and I am feeling less scared to claim my story”.
Into The Light Women Survivors Group Course Attendee
“Meeting other survivors has helped me feel less alone. Knowing that there are other people who feel the same way has been a life changing experience.”
Into The Light Women Survivors Group Course Attendee
Give It Back
Shame can tell us that we should stay quiet, that nobody will understand, or that what happened says something about who we are.
But abuse is a choice made by the person who causes harm. It is never the responsibility of the person who experiences it.
Talking about our experiences will not look the same for everyone. For some people, it might mean speaking to a trusted friend. For others, it might mean talking with a counsellor, joining a survivor group, or simply beginning to put words to something that has been difficult to speak about.
You do not have to tell your story before you are ready.
And you can start to release the heavy burden of shame so you can live more freely.
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