Self-Care Suggestions For Survivors

Find A Safe Space

This is a place you can go if you start to feel afraid or feelings become overwhelming. It could be at home, or in a coffee shop or in a park. Make an agreement with yourself that as long as you are in that spot you’ll be safe. If you start to feel out of control or overwhelmed – you will go to that spot and stay there, breathing one breath at a time – until the feeling passes.

Talk About How You Are Feeling

Try talking to a friend you trust about how you are feeling – this can relieve some of the pressure and help you feel more supported.

Try to develop relationships with family and friends and build up a good social network. Be open with people you trust about how you are feeling.

Listening to your intuition can sometimes be helpful and can allow you to feel whether the relationship is balanced, equal, and healthy. Here are some signs of healthy relationships:

• You are made to feel comfortable being yourself
• There is generally good communication
• You feel respected and valued
• There is trust
• You have realistic expectations between each other
• There are clear boundaries.

Consider joining a peer support group for Survivors – peer support can connect you with people with similar experiences so that you can share emotional support, encouragement and practical help and break some of the isolation you may be feeling.

Learning To Rest And Relax

Consider whether any of these will be triggering for you before trying them, and trust your instincts:

Breathe Mindfully: Put your hand on your belly, just above your navel, and breathe deeply into your belly so that your hand gets pushed up and down. It can sometimes help to imagine you have a balloon in your tummy, inflating it as you breather in and deflating it as you breathe out

Body Awareness: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Starting with your feet, pay attention to the physical sensations you feel, just be aware of them. Slowly allow your awareness to drift towards your lower legs, simply paying attention to any physical sensations in that part of your body. Then slowly let your awareness drift further up your body, doing the same gentle noticing for all the parts of your body

Audio Relaxation Exercises: You may find it helpful to listen to soothing music or voices guiding you into a state of relaxation. Or even a relaxing podcast or audio book.

Resting: Simply stopping and taking time out of chores or tasks to sit or lie down in a comfortable position can help to give your body time to unwind and make necessary daily repairs. You may even want to listen to or watch something easy and soothing which does not require any mental effort

Sleep: Ideally, getting a good amount of quality sleep on a daily basis allows our bodies to function much better. However, if you have experienced sexual abuse being asleep can feel unsafe, and that is understandable. Even getting moments of sleep can be helpful. Watch You Tube: From PTSD Nightmares to Peaceful Sleep with the Dream Completion Technique by Dr Justin Havens .

Change: Sometimes changing your environment or what you are doing can bring about a sense of relaxation. Routines can become a source of increased stress, alternatively they can provide much needed structure and predictability. Trust your own judgement in what options are best for you to try, and explore them at your pace.

Try To Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Try to challenge any ANT (Automatic Negative Thoughts) that pop up now and then like ‘I am rubbish’, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am to blame’. These are often long-held beliefs and may well have no truth in reality. Look at the evidence against these thoughts and then find a more helpful and balanced way of thinking – ‘I am a valuable and important’, ‘I am a kind and caring person’, ‘I am a good friend’, ‘It was not my fault.’

Expressing Sadness And Anger

Find safe ways of expressing your anger or soothing your sadness.
It’s natural to feel anger and sadness about what happened to you as a child. It can be helpful to know ways you can calm yourself at times when you feel angry or upset. Find out what works for you:

• Go for a run.
• Dance around the room.
• Pound a pillow.
• Write something on a piece of paper and tear it up.
• Find different ways of calming or distracting yourself.
• Listen to relaxing music.
• Go to your ‘safe place’.
• Take a warm bath.
• Cuddle up with a blanket or a hot drink.
• Stroke an animal.
• Watch a funny movie.
• Pamper yourself – do something that makes you feel happy.
• Talk to someone you trust.
• Do something creative.
• Be kind to yourself

Getting Grounded :

If you are experiencing a flashback these grounding ideas may help you to return from the flashback to the present.

Feet First: Put your feet on the floor firmly – stamp if you like – reminding yourself of the here and now.

Breath Deep: Be aware of your breathing. When we are fearful we can start to breath very quickly. Take a few minutes to just breath in and out slowly – count if that helps. e.g.
For example breath four counts in and six counts out. Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory tells us that by taking longer to exhale you’ll aid your body’s parasympathetic response (the part of your autonomic system that encourages you to rest and relax).

This is available free as a PDF file to print out and keep as a booklet from the Into The Light site:
www.intothelight.org.uk/help-for-flashbacks

Look After Your Physical Health

Taking care of your physical health can help boost and support your mental wellbeing:

Exercise: Take regular moderate exercise – 30 minutes every day can help you feel calmer and increase your energy. Depending on your fitness level and where you are in your journey you may want to try some gentle exercises to begin with. Start off a couple of times a week for 10 minutes building up at a pace that is comfortable for you.

Walking: You can walk anywhere, even around the house. You can walk slowly or briskly, whichever way you choose you are moving and helping your body to function better

Cleaning Surprisingly, cleaning can give our bodies a decent workout. Squatting down and standing up again, moving a vacuum cleaner or mop around covers most muscle groups. Not only do you get a workout, but you also get a cleaner environment!

Gardening: If you have access to a garden or even a window box, it is a great way to get more active. Some gardening activities can be quite strenuous, and this activity gives you the added benefit of getting some fresh air and a sense of achievement when you see your flowers bloom or fruit and veg ripen

Yoga: This is a great way to combine breathing techniques, meditation and exercise

Dancing: Moving around to a favourite song is another way to become more active

Sitting exercises: If you have limited mobility you may want to try some more suitable exercises that are seated.

Low Impact Exercise: You may prefer to develop a workout consisting of lunges, burpees, planks etc. There are plenty of resources available on the internet to inspire you.

Eat well:
Eat a balanced and nutritious diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and try and cut down on sugar. Also if you can cut down on caffeine, smoking and drinking alcohol – try not to use them to try to feel better.

Try And Get A Good Nights Sleep:
It can help you feel stronger and cope better. Create a nightly routine which helps you relax and avoid alcohol at night.

Get Creative

Enjoy some activities like painting, drawing, photography, craft and creative writing – they can be relaxing and calming and help distract thoughts away from everyday worries and concerns. Art can also be a valuable way of expressing your thoughts and feelings without the need for conversation.

Create A Toolbox Of Positive Thoughts

Create a toolbox which can help boost your mood whenever you find yourself feeling low:

Make lists of things you like about yourself, successes, things you are grateful for, good experiences and compliments.

Come up with a list of things that you can do for a quick mood boost – a walk in nature, playing with a pet, a craft activity.

Include some upbeat music, a funny movie, a favourite book and photographs that make you feel happy – these could be of friends, holidays you have taken or places where you feel safe.

Write a note to remind yourself that how you are feeling now will pass – ‘It will pass’.

Alternatively or as well as:

Make A Reward Box Containing Things That Give You Pleasure

Make a box with pleasurable treats inside. This could include:

• A small box of chocolate treats
• A Scented candle
• Favourite Book or magazine
• Letter or postcard from a friend
• A voucher to yourself for a treat for example a Cinema trip or a meal with friends

Be Kind To About You

Don’t be too hard on yourself – remember that what happened was not your fault and was beyond your control. Think how you would talk to a friend who was in the same situation and treat yourself with the same kindness. It is normal to have both good days and bad days – if you need time out sometimes to look after yourself that’s OK.

Hold Onto Hope

Don’t give up on yourself, and don’t lose hope.
There are lots of therapies and services which can help with recovery from sexual abuse.
Talk to your counsellor or GP about different options you could try.
Look at helpful websites for lists of services that could help you.
The Survivors Trust has lots of information on: www.thesurvivorstrust.org

Healing can take time, courage and energy but remember it is possible.

Sources:
www.mindwell-leeds.org.uk
tstresources.org/wellbeing/#wellbeing-overview
The Warrior Within Christiane Sanderson One In Four Books P120 and p140