Facing the realisation that we have been sexually abused is very often extremely difficult to acknowledge even to ourselves and so we can enter into denial about it.
It is a way of protecting ourselves but in the long term this may not be healthy as we are avoiding the impact the abuse may be having on us today. One definition of denial is: “Denial is a refusal even an inability to see and acknowledge the reality of one’s situation”
(Source: Stephen Arterburn “Addicted to Love” Harper Collins – Published 1991 page184)
Denial however, comes in different forms – all of these are very understandable. Can you identify with any of these:
Denied Feelings: “I don’t feel any pain about my past abuse.”
Minimised Feelings: “Yes I do feel pain sometimes, but it was years ago so it doesn’t matter anymore.”
Trivialised Feelings: “Yes, I have been abused – but so have a lot of people – its no big deal.”
“Staying in the denial stage is costly. It stifles creativity; the victim cannot think spontaneously because he is censoring himself to avoid recalling abuse memories. Keeping a secret requires a lot of energy; even more energy is required to keep that secret from yourself!. Recovery frees this energy for other uses.” (Source: https://www.havoca.org/survivors/grief/denial)
However, recovering from abuse is a journey and so taking the steps of recovery looks different for everyone, it may be that we can only step out of denial in very small supported steps.