“Early on we begin our storehouse of anger, finding places inside to tuck it away and hide it”
(Source: Parks Inner Child Therapy – Penny Parks – Souvenir Press Published 1994 page128)
For some of us anger is a tricky topic – we might think we are not angry – we may not have big rows with other people or get outwardly rageful but our anger might surface in different ways:
Repressed: Anger is often repressed and manifests itself in depression or physical ailments or tiredness. “Anger is a natural response to abuse. You were probably not able to experience express, and act on your outrage when you were abused. You may not even have known you had a right to feel outraged. Rather than be angry at the person or people who abused you, you probably did some combination of denying and twisting your anger…..But if you are unable to focus your rage at the abuser, it will go somewhere else. Many survivors turn it in on themselves , leading to depression and self-destruction.”(Source: “Courage To Heal” – Bass and Davis – Cedar Press – Published 1988 page 249)
Fantasy: Often in fantasies and daydreams we express anger that we are too afraid to express in real life.
Transference: We often react angrily to certain people even though they may have done little to harm us. This is because someone in our present life reminds us of someone in our past with the same resulting emotions in us.
Processing Anger
As a general rule most people have not had good role models in expressing anger appropriately, so we are not used to feeling angry and it feels very unsafe. We also need to process our rage – this is difficult and often lengthy to do and sometimes you need another person e.g. counsellor to help you.
What do you feel when you get angry – where is it in your body?
Try and notice next time you get extremely angry and try trace the trigger.
What do you think is behind that trigger?
Is your anger appropriate to the situation – or could it be tapping into a pool of unresolved rage?
Try and write down what you felt later or if you have time then and there.
Thinking these things through and writing them down helps you to feel more in control.
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