Into The Light articles: Sexual Abuse – Helping To Heal Published in The Church of England Newspaper

Articles

Articles by Rebecca Mitchell on sexual abuse

Sexual Abuse – Helping To Heal
Published in The Church of England Newspaper
23 October 2003

“It feels like there is cut glass inside of me” was how one woman described the unbearable pain of her abusive past to me. Perhaps there are no more vulnerable people in our communities than those who have been devastated by sexual abuse or assault and yet it is difficult know how should we respond to lives so traumatised by the past.

Looking at Jesus we can see he was very much at home with other people’s fragilities and vulnerabilities – witness his response to the Samaritan woman (John Four) looking for love in all the wrong places. He was even in touch with his own needs and asked the disciples to connect with him during the most stressful period of his life – an invitation they neither understood nor felt comfortable with (“Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him” Mark 8 v 33).

With statistics standing at one in two girls and one in four boys experiencing child sexual abuse (1991 - Child Abuse Studies Unit of North London) it means that there are many of us dealing (or not dealing) with the aftermath of sexual abuse.

So how do we as the Church offer support and help to these people?

Firstly, and perhaps most effectively the church has the capacity for anyone entering its doors to:

Offer Acceptance
As Jesus role models for us, accepting the person where they are is one of the primary routes to healing and finding release from the anguish of the past. Just being there, listening and accepting the person, believing them and their story, in some way helps in the healing process. You do need to know though that if you are listening to a young person there are legal implications to what you are doing and you need to understand what these are. The CCPA does excellent seminars on this. Once you have accepted the person as they are, even though you may not know it you will be helping them to:

Break The Shame
Shame is the most paralysing aspects of sexual abuse. The shame of the abuser is most often carried by and in the shame of the abused. This is because it is very rare for an abuser to own their own guilt and therefore carry the responsibility for their actions. The shame is then internalised into the victim and they begin to live out of that. Standing with someone and helping them lay the blame at the right person’s door helps to ease the paralysing effects of shame. Doing this you may have to:

Hold Back On Talking Forgiveness
The Christian faith hinges on forgiveness but that does not mean there are not stages towards giving it. For most people who have experienced trauma, forgiveness, like holiness is a long term event. Walking the road to forgiveness may mean overcoming several obstacles towards your destination. These are likely to be amongst others; anger, pain, sorrow and grief. Interestingly another Jesus “type” Joseph gave his brothers a full forgiveness only after he’d fully confronted the damage they had done to them. “You intended to harm me but God intended it for good.” (Genesis 50 v 20).

Coming to terms with intense personal suffering and making the abuser accountable (even if that is just mentally) may take a long time and only then can forgiveness take place. Giving people breathing space on forgiveness allows:

Trust To Be Built
Trust is the rock on which all relationships are built on - but when trust has been so traumatically broken (especially when its by an authority figure) it is very hard for the person to really trust in relationships again. This is where the Church could really shine and be a place where Christians and Non Christians find a new beginning for them. The teachings of the Church and the experience of healthy Christians can offer a whole new role modelling experience for people who have little or no map of how to run relationships. This does mean though that you will need to know your own limits. Don’t offer more than you can give and know when it is right for the person to take their issues to a professional counsellor. This in itself creates safe boundaries and more trust.

There is so much that the church, and we as Christians can offer people who have experienced deep emotional and psychological damage. Being real and offering space just to be accepted, offers in itself respite and healing from the harrowing isolation of abuse.

To most people outside it the church is often seen as an institution oblivious to, and even at times colluding with, child abuse. Yet, with so many lives shattered all around us, with just a little patience and wisdom this could be our opportunity to help “bind up the broken hearted” (Isaiah 61 v 1). Let’s not miss it.

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